Ouija Board!
by rogue empress
Summary: [Wicked] Two clumsy singers, one Ouija board, and one first edition of Wicked...put them together and you get one big problem. please review!
1. This Can't be Good

This is another story I'm co-writing with my insane cousin. Hooray for family insanity! She's Ember Witch, if you want to check out her fics. And by that I mean REVEIW her fics, don't just read and leave. It makes us feel so cheap when you do that...(_starts crying_)

Ahem. I'm ok. Back to business.

Before we begin, let me just set some things straight. The Elphaba in this story is, for the most part, bookverse. She may slip into musicalverse every once in a while, but we're going to try and control ourselves. Glinda is very much musicalverse...think Chicago cast. Kristin Chenoweth's version of Galinda was much more _subdued_ than Kate Reinders's. My alter-ego may surface from time to time in this story, I have little control over that. In other news, I'm a raving lunatic, if that explains anything.

We own nothing but ourselves!

Meanwhile, my cousin and I are rehearsing "What is this feeling?"

* * *

"Ok, so what are we doing now?" Chelsea asked, having gotten confused by Sara's excited babbling. 

Sara took a deep breath and spoke at a much more normal speed. "When it gets to the part where Glinda says, 'Unusually and exceedingly peculiar,' and so on and so forth, I'm going to throw the tiara to you and you'll throw the hat to me. Then you do that line and I'll do the 'blonde!' line, ok?"

"Right, ok, because it doesn't make sense otherwise."

"Right, and then we switch hats again." Sara went to start the song over, momentarily forgetting what track number it was (shocking as that is) and skipping way too far forward. Either that or she got caught up in the excitement of pushing a button. She stopped a moment later and said, "Oh, duh. We're going to need the hats." The song "No Good Deed" began playing.

"Yeah that might help. Where's the tiara?"

"Oh, it's behind me, over there," Sara said, having caught sight of the witch's hat behind Chelsea.

The two girls went for the respective hats, and in the process hooked ankles and fell flat on their faces like two covers of a book falling away from one another. They made quite a thump, causing Sara's Ouija board to slide out of the top shelf in her closet and onto her head, knocking Sara into La-La-Land. On the cd, Elphaba was chanting. Chelsea brought herself up to her elbows, very dizzy, going, "What happened?" She looked behind her and found her foot tangled up in Sara's and tried to scoot forward to untangle it, bumping the bookshelf with her head in the process and causing a hardback version of Wicked to fall from one of the upper shelves and onto her head. She joined her cousin in a state of unconsciousness.

* * *

When Sara woke up, she was very sorry. Her eyes would not focus, and all the sounds around her echoed and faded in and out as though someone were playing with the volume on the radio, making her severely nauseated. She had never been stupid enough to get a hangover before, but if what she'd heard from stories in school was correct, that's kind of what she had. This confirmed her decision to only ever drink on special occasions. Eventually she managed to sit up. 

"Ohhhh... vertigo..." She said miserably, grabbing her forehead. After blinking a few times, Sara managed to focus her vision and looked around to see whether Chelsea was hurt.

Chelsea was nowhere to be found.

That's when Sara noticed that something was very different. And she said so. "Something is different..." Then started to make a list. _My carpet is gone. I'm sitting in grass. There's trees. And bees. And monkeys. And fleas? No. Phew. Ok. So I'm outside...and it's getting dark...and... and... _"I'M LOST!" she shouted, whereupon a bony hand clamped suddenly over her mouth.

"Shut up!" a voice snarled behind her.

Sara took the hand from her mouth and put it in a joint lock, then spun to see who her would-be captor was. She instantly threw the hand back to it's owner and screamed. "AAAH! IT'S YOU!"

Elphaba sprung at her, tackling her and again clamping her hand over Sara's mouth. "Would you shut up!"

Sara pushed Elphaba off of her, trying not to be too insulting, and sat up again, having regained some of her composure and nodded apologetically to show Elphaba she was going to be quiet. Elphaba's ears pricked suddenly and she looked around, then grabbed Sara roughly by the wrist and dragged her behind her and into a hole in the ground.

"Woah...tunnel." Sara whispered, impressed as she looked around.

Elphaba was staring daggers at her.

"Be careful. My head might explode." Sara told her after a few seconds. Elphaba blinked and looked at her with a little more apprehension than rage, then quickly regained her composure.

"Where the hell did you come from?" Elphaba demanded. "How did you know I was here?"

"I think I came from my room, and I had no idea you were here."

"Your room." Elphaba repeated. "You live here?"

"No!"

This girl had to be out of her mind. Elphaba shook her head. "Then what were you doing in this thicket by yourself and clearly unarmed?"

"Psh. Weapons are for wussies." Sara replied, then stated. "I've been thinking about it, and I'm pretty certain that I'm unconscious, and you're a figment of my imagination."

Elphaba had no words.

Sara continued, trying to figure things out as she spoke. "But how did I get knocked out?" She thought for a minute before gasping and tightening her fists. "The Ouija board!" She growled with utter contempt, and suddenly realized she was holding on to something. Or it appeared in her hand out of nowhere. Whichever you prefer. Anyways, she brought the object over to the dimming light that was streaming in the entrance to Elphaba's impressive underground tunnel. It was the witch's hat she had reached for when the unfortunate had happened.

"Where'd you get that?" Elphaba asked, suspiciously. In the slanting light, she couldn't tell that the fabric was different from the fabric of her own hat.

Sara, who normally reads body language and tone of voice with impressive accuracy, was clueless to her suspicion for a minute. "Oh, some costume store." She replied, waving her hand. She had more important things to think about right then, and needed, as usual, to figure things out aloud. "So if I was holding on to this and got transported to her," here she pointed at Elphaba absently, "then Chelsea must have had the tiara, which means..." She looked up at Elphaba, as though suddenly deciding to include her in her debate. "Oh no," was all she said. But then she chastized herself mentally, thinking, _"no, you have to think of all possibilities."_

Elphaba waited for a minute, but there was no more. Apparently she would have to give a cue of some sort, but she had lost her patience. "Who is this Chelsea person, and remind me again what the hell you're doing here!"

"Yeah, speaking of Chelsea, in here you don't happen to have a prisoner or..." she had to inhale before adding a wavering, "victim?"

"No."

Sara breathed before she said, "then it's as I figured."

"Your vagueness is really starting to piss me off."

Sara went into a slightly overly-animated account of what had happened, with as much detail as she could remember. Elphaba found herself caught up in it, and would ask questions. _What is a Ouija board? Does it work? Can Sara get one for her?_ _Has Sara ever heard of Kansas? Does she know where it is? What is an Irish?_ Once they got back on subject, which took some doing because both got wrapped up in Sara's explanation that Elphaba was a leprechaun of some sort, Elphaba had caught on to Sara's fears.

"So if you're here with me, then your...cousin, was it?" Sara nodded. "...must be with Glinda."

"Yes and that's not good at all. Chelsea hates pink."

"If she's dressed anything like you, Glinda will insist she changes into a gown of some sort. And most likely that gown will be pink."

"Oh, God. If Glinda dresses her in pink, I just know she'll throw a conniptions and start hyperventilating."

* * *

(At that very moment...) 

Chelsea's head reeled as she opened her eyes.

"So much …..PINK!" She screamed as she fell off of what ever she was resting on.

After regaining some of her composure, Chelsea looked around at her surroundings. Everything was pink: the walls, the dresser, the mirror, even the bed she had been sitting on was drenched with the dreadful color. She began to shiver due to her fear of pink. Chelsea pulled her knees to her chest so she could rock back and forth like a basket case but suddenly screamed.

"OH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS! I'M WEARING PINK!" she shrieked, just now noticing that she was dressed in a pink night gown with frills (shudders…it pains me to write this).

Chelsea was now hyperventilating and began to rip the gown off.

"I've …..got…..to ….get….out of this nightmare! I need black!" after saying this she proceeded to run about the room all the while struggling to free herself from the jaws of death. Just then she heard the click of a door opening, normally Chelsea would have stopped to see if the intruder was a possible threat but at the moment she was too ballistic.

She was finally able to whip the nightgown off; Chelsea chucked it across the room as though it was poisoned.

"IT BURNS!" she shouted.

"Oh, my," an extremely high feminine voice whispered. Chelsea turned to see who her torturer was and screamed. After clapping a hand over her eyes to avoid seeing the girl in her undergarments, the owner of the voice joined her.

"You're Glinda?" Chelsea said hardly believing what she just said.

"And you're nude!" the blonde prep pointed out.

"Well that's what you get for dressing me in pink!" She shouted, still panting and beginning to sweat. "Wait, this is all a dream. You are all a dream - just a crazy figment of my messed up mind. I knew I needed therapy!"

"This isn't a dream; you're a crazed lunatic that just appeared from out of no where!" Glinda squealed as she tossed Chelsea her normal clothing. She caught it easily and clutched it as though it were a precious gem.

"Oh, black sweet black. I will never leave thee again!" she declared, slipping into her pants and t-shirt. Glinda looked at her as though she was crazy.

"I know I'll pinch myself and wake up back in Sara's room on the floor and we'll both have a good laugh at my insanity." Chelsea babbled pacing around the room, and with that she pinched herself hard on the arm.

"This isn't Sara's room….crap it didn't work!"

"Dearie, you need bed rest." Glinda said, walking up to Chelsea and tried to usher her back to the bed.

"No you don't understand, I don't belong here! How did I even get here?" she growled, thoroughly confused.

"Well, I was walking the grounds waving to my public in this glorious new ball gown. You simply must see it..." Glinda spoke so fast that all Chelsea could do was sit there and stare. The Good Witch's high voice combined with the speed she was speaking made her words sound something like the Chipmunks after drinking a case of Mountain Dew.

"Stop talking." Chelsea groaned as she covered her ears. Glinda fell silent and let the strange girl collect her thoughts.

"Ok, think, Chelsea, what were you doing before you woke up in this nightmare? Okay Sara and I were singing 'What is This Feeling?' we had this plan to switch hats for one line of it. But the hats were on opposite ends of the room so we went to switch sides when our ankles hooked and we both fell. Then the Ouija board fell and hit Sara and the book hit me. Oh….Ouija board." She growled.

Glinda took advantage of Chelsea's silence and began to play 20 questions.

"What is the song 'What is This Feeling?' can I sing it? Who is this Sara? What is this hideous thing called a Ouija board? I wonder if Elphie had one. Why is your hair cut like a boy's? Why do you wear pants? It's so improper..."

"It's from a musical; I'd prefer you didn't sing it. Sara is my cousin whom I hope is here as well. A Ouija board is an evil device that transported me here. I doubt Elphie had one? I like my hair short and spiked and pants are your friends where I come from." Chelsea replied in one breath.

"Oh, how lovely." Glinda said happily.

"Hey do you happen to have another raving lunatic like myself only with brown hair dressed similarly?"

"No, you the only lunatic to come falling out of the sky today."

"Oh, crap." Chelsea said as she stared on horror at the tiara that suddenly appeared in her hand.

"Oooo what a lovely crown! I have one just like it, only pinker!" Glinda squealed.

"That's not the point!" Chelsea shrieked grabbing Glinda's shoulders and shaking her roughly. Glinda gave her a mindless stare. Chelsea sighed; she was getting rather fed up with Glinda's clueless-ness.

"Okay we'll go over this again. I had the tiara when the Ouija board fell, and Sara was holding the witch's hat. So if Sara isn't here then she must be with Elphaba."

"Oh, Chelsea dear I'm so sorry. Your cousin has moved on." Glinda said putting a comforting arm around her. Chelsea looked freaked out.

"Character that doesn't exist in my world hugging me! Not good!"

"Oh, sorry." Glinda said, blushing and taking a step back.

"And Sara isn't dead. She's probably in some woods on the outskirts of Oz along with Elphaba." Chelsea said carelessly. Glinda's eyes lit up at this news.

"Elphie's alive?" She whispered. Chelsea clasped a hand over her mouth.

"Oh man did I just say that out loud?"

"She's alive?"

"Elphaba is going to slaughter me when she finds out…."

Glinda had proceeded to jump around the room chanting "She's alive!" Chelsea meanwhile sat on the bed with her head in her hands saying, "I'm doomed, I'm doomed!"


	2. Jackelopes

Um, UPDATE! my half of this chapter was extremely long, so I decided to split it into two chapters.Chapter three to come soon. In this chapter are tributes to 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind', and Rent. Enjoy! Oh, and review, or I'll sic my mice-minions on you.

...or maybe I'll just cry.

Meanwhile, Sara is getting sleepy after her animated re-telling of the day's happenings.

* * *

Sara lied down against a wall in the tunnel, put her head on her arms and shut her eyes. 

"What are you doing?" Elphaba asked

"Sleeping. Is that alright?"

"Oh it's fine." Elphaba answered, "This way, when you wake up and find yourself covered with centipedes and maggots, I'll be too far away to hear you scream. That's perfectly alright."

Elphaba was trying very hard to keep her newest annoyance awake through the night. She was getting more and more frustrated because her attention was split between her safety and Sara's whereabouts as she tried to continue on her route out of Oz.

"_Will you help me find my cousin?_" Sara had asked, "_you don't have to go into the emerald city, obviously, but could you draw me a map? Or give me directions? Or both? Both would be good."_

"_Yes of course_," Elphaba had lied, "_but first let's travel together part of the way there. You're really stupid if you think you can survive in this forest without weapons."_

Sara had made yet another baffling remark to weapons,_ "Ha."_ She scoffed._ "You haven't met my foot."_

But she had followed like a very good dog for the first hour or so. After that, she started to get way too energetic, and tried to talk to Elphie along the way. "What's this tree called? Do you have Jackelopes here? I spy with my little eye..."

Luckily, (or so Elphaba thought at the time) this phase did not last long. Pretty soon Sara had skipped, galloped, crawled, somersaulted, and talked up all of her energy, and got very quiet. Elphaba had breathed a sigh of relief.

At the moment, however, Elphaba found herself wishing for the more rambunctious Sara she had been with a few hours ago.

"Sara!" Elphaba whispered fiercely. "Wake up!" She took the girls arm and yanked her away from the tree she had leaned against.

"Humhua What?" Sara stammered, waking up and gaining her balance. "Sorry."

"For the last time, STAY AWAKE!" Elphaba said, her fury boiling over.

The sight of Elphaba with her eyes flashing in rage normally would have scared Sara out of her wits. In the state she was in right now, however, she merely smiled weakly and said, "yes mommy" before her eyes shut and she passed out with a thud.

Elphaba bent down and slapped her, the clap sending a surprising echo through the forest. She was letting her anger get the better of her, but she didn't much care at the moment.

Sara didn't even stir. Elphaba scowled at her and waited for her to wake up like she had before. Instead, Sara snorted and then giggled in her sleep, rolling over onto her side and curling up.

Elphaba didn't have time for this. She was way behind schedule, and she needed to be at the next checkpoint in less than an hour. Briefly she toyed with the idea of leaving the girl there, before she realized that if anyone found her they could pump her for information about the Witch. She couldn't take that risk. Elphaba grabbed the girl by the armpits and started to drag her along the way. A couple of feet down the way, Elphaba decided this was not going to work. She collapsed against a rock, panting. Altogether beyond her fortune, Elphaba looked over to find that she was not too far from a shady cave. Encouraged a little, Elphaba got up and again grabbed Sara by the armpits and started to drag her towards the cave.

When they were about 3/4 of the way there, Sara woke up, stuck her arms and legs straight out in front of her and whispered, "Joel..." and then let out a satisfactory little laugh. (That was my tribute to ESSM)

Elphaba didn't trust her wakefulness to last, and continued to tug and heave her body across the forest floor.

"Watch this!" Sara said suddenly, and got her feet under her and pushed off, sending her and Elphaba flying backwards.

Elphaba let out a painful "oof" as her back slammed down onto the solid ground of the cave, and it was quickly followed by a more pitiful groan as Sara slammed down onto Elphaba.

"That cuts time, doesn't it?" Sara said as she got up and stepped over Elphaba's rigid body into the cave.

It took a minute for Elphaba to get her wind back, but when she did, she got up as fast as her aging bones could manage and readied herself to tackle Sara and beat the teeth out of her. As she looked around, however, she found Sara curled up between a boulder and the cave wall, fast asleep.

_"I hate children,"_ Elphaba thought as she walked past her young problem and further into the cave. She found a pitch black little cubby and tucked herself in it to sleep. Her head was spinning, but she had a feeling sleep and a drink of water would take care of it. The sun was rising anyways.

--

Elphie woke a few hours later, glanced over and found Sara hugging a big boulder and laughing at it in her sleep. The Witch got up, stretched, then went over to Sara and shook her. Sara suddenly became limp and fell to the side, her face finding a dangerous pocket between bottom of the boulder and the ground. Elphaba watched, but Sara did not move.

"I think I've killed it." Elphaba said with a tone half full of disdain and half of surprise. She didn't think she was having that much negative feelings towards her at the moment. Maybe they had built up from that night. Still, she had to be sure before she continued on. She knelt down next to Sara's body and shook it again. Nothing. She had killed it after all.

Elphie got up and stretched again, then started towards the entrance of the cave.

"I jumped over the moon!" Came a voice behind her.

"What?" Elphaba turned.

"A leap of...mooooooo!"

"What?"

"Stay here. I'm going to go get breakfast."

"No - we have to –"

"Travel in broad daylight? Do you really think that's a good idea? Besides, you look sick. When's the last time you ate a square meal?"

Elphaba was still too stunned by the normalcy of Sara's conversation to be cynical or biting. She thought for a minute, "I don't think I've ever had a 'square meal.'" She answered.

"Well, you know, that's probably why you look like crap."

"What?"

"You're shriveled and decrepit. You're stooped and weak. All because you don't eat. I'll be right back."

Elphie tried to protest, but Sara was gone before she could get anything intelligible out.

Sara returned in record time with two rabbits. Elphaba jumped up and immediately started protesting.

"I'm not eating those! How do you know they're not Rabbits?"

"Relax. I asked them. They weren't."

"They could have been mute Rabbits!"

"No, I didn't physically ask them with my voice, silly."

"Then what did you do?"

"Ok, see, animals are telepathic."

"And..."

"And Animals, like most humans, are not."

Elphaba tried really hard to protest, but didn't get anything out but a few short grunts. She was dumbfounded.

"Besides, I asked permission."

"You WHAT?"

"I asked permission?" Sara for a moment wasn't sure. Then she verified it in her mind and nodded at Elphaba.

"Whose?"

"The rabbits'."

"You asked the rabbits permission to serve them as breakfast?"

"Of course. I couldn't just murder them!"

"I–But–you—"

"Anyways, they said they'd be obliged as long as we promised to not waste anything we didn't have to. Do you know how to make mittens?"

"This is sick."

"No, it's resourceful. I'll get these cleaned up and ready. If you could start a fire it would be helpful."

"Are you telling me you're telepathic?"

"That took a while. Yes, I'm telepathic."

"Ok, read my mind!"

"Are you telepathic? 'Cause if not, I can't read your mind."

"Maybe I am. Read my mind!"

Sara stared at Elphaba's crazed expression for a moment, then blinked rapidly, very surprised. "Well," She swallowed, getting up. "That was not very polite."

Elphaba was extremely satisfied that Sara had correctly read her mind. She gathered sticks and rocks and reveled in it as Sara was doing some rather disquieting things to the corpses of the rabbits, and sniffling every once in a while. Elphaba didn't even realize that she was building a fire until she sat in it's warm orange glow in a daze and Sara shouted over her shoulder,

"Listen, do you eat liver?"

"I don't eat meat!" Elphaba cried and kicked dust into the flame, squashing it to smoke.

"You mustn't think of it as such a terrible thing. It's the order of life. Carnivores eat herbivores. When you die, if you're not picked apart by vultures and wild dogs, you melt into the plantlife, and then herbivores eat you. It's all equal."

Elphaba groaned.

"So no liver? I really don't think I can handle one, so if you don't want one I'll either have to throw it up or throw it out."

"Ugh. I'll eat it."

"Listen, do you have any pans?"

* * *


	3. Shoes of Doom

Oh, this chapter needs no introduction.

All done by Ember Witch.

Review, or the minions will attack.

We own nothing but ourselves!

* * *

Suddenly the Good Witch froze and an excitable grin spread across her face. "I should PACK!" 

She proceeded to skip out of the room.

Chelsea looked around. "Well, I guess I should pack too." She looked at herself. "Ok done. Now to go see how her royal pinkness is doing."

As Chelsea made her way down the hall, she could hear Glinda belting something from her wardrobe. Chelsea found the wardrobe, but not Glinda. "Glinda? Where are you?" She called.

A very faint and distant voice replied, "In my closet!"

Chelsea swam through a mountain of suitcases with gowns piled on them, found the door marked 'closet' and opened it. She immediately blanched. "Oh my." Glinda was a tiny pink bug about three miles away. The walls were stuffed with ball gowns and fans.

When Chelsea arrived at Glinda, she was out of breath. "This..is your closet?"

"Yes, why?"

"It's as big as my home town!"

"It's not that big, you should see my other ones."

"Ones? Plural?"

"Well, this is the West Wing closet,"

"There's an EAST WING CLOSET?"

"And a North, and a South."

"Cheese and rice." Chelsea swore.

Glinda frowned at Chelsea. "Why, don't you have a closet for every direction?"

"No."

"I'm sorry."

"So, are you packed?" Chelsea said with apprehension.

"Yep! Didn't you see all those suitcases at the door?"

"Glinda, those were all ball gowns. ... and fans."

"There's a ball gown for every occasion." She recited knowingly, then held up a camouflage gown.

Chelsea looked impressed. "Actually, that's kind of cute," but quickly regained herself. "But it's still not practical! Don't you have any pants?"

Glinda was interested. "What are...pants?"

"Oh you poor child."

"If this is what you call poor..." she said, gesturing around.

"Never mind. Let's move on to shoes."

Glinda smiled proudly, "I'm glad you asked!" and with that she flipped a switch, and the room began to spin rapidly.

Chelsea did a nose dive screaming, "TAKE COVER!"

After the room ceased spinning Glinda turned to her companion, who was curled in a fetal position on the floor, sobbing.

"There, there. It's ok." Glinda chirped as she patted Chelsea's head.

"Don't touch me!" Chelsea stammered as she stood up to survey the room. Apparantly Glinda had installed a very Phantom of the Opera-esque wall-flipping mechanism, revealing that behind the wall of gowns was a wall of shoes.

Glinda scoffed, "How rude!"

"What is this?" Chelsea exclaimed at the sight of wall to wall heels.

Glinda puffed out her chest in pride, "This is my shoe collection."

Chelsea looked in horror at the many pairs of shoes, "Some people would lock you up for this..."

Glinda stood proudly and declared, "If loving shoes is a crime...then I am guilty."

"You don't say..." Chelsea added as she marveled at the height of the heels. "Do you happen to have anything...oh how to say this...FLAT!"

Glinda gasped, "How vulgar!"

Chelsea tried to remain calm, "Glinda...I want you to picture a forest."

"Uh huh." Glinda nodded.

"With lots of little bunnies and deer..."

"Awwwww!"

"And bunny and deer poo..."

"Chelsea please!"

"And mud..."

"Make it stop!"

"And now picture these!" Chelsea spat as she thrust a pink 5 inch heel in front of Glinda.

"I understand..."

"Finally." Chelsea sighed, "For a moment I thought I'd lost you."

"I should get these in green!" she exclaimed clapping.

Chelsea stared at her wide eyed.

Glinda waited anxiously for her response, bouncing.

"Ok, let's begin again shall we? Sit." she ordered.

Glinda looked confused and a little hurt at being ordered around, but sat.

"Good, thank you."

"You're welcome!"

"Ok, we will need to wear something more along the lines of this..." she explained as she pulled off her own shoe.

Glinda stared at the muddy combat boot in front of her. It was then that Chelsea realized, after a good minute, that Glinda wasn't breathing.

"Breathe, woman!" she exclaimed, slapping her cheek.

"Ow!" Glinda managed, somewhat hurt.

"What was that fir?"

Chelsea was appalled, "Glinda, are you southern?"

"No!" she blurted out quickly, cursing Dorothy under her breath.

Chelsea looked freaked, "And I thought Sara and I were wacked."

Sara's voice suddenly entered Chelsea's mind, "see it gets worse!" Chelsea began to beat her head hoping to get a better signal.

"Hello, Base Ops this is Chelsea...come in Base Ops, do you copy?" she shouted, while walking around the room trying to get a better signal.

Glinda stared in fear, "and I'm going on a trip where my life is in her hands because...?"

"I think I can make contact if I get on the roof." she added.

"Yes! That's where you came from!" Glinda said excitedly.

"Technically no, but we won't go there...so do you have a ladder?"

"Honey, you can just take the stairs."

"Oh, right." she said before tromping off to the roof.

* * *


	4. The Corn that Burns

more randomness! hooray! chapter five to come once band camp relinquishes the cousiness. oh, band camp...

Elphaba belongs to Gregory Maguire. I - and my insanity -belong to me. yes. aren't you oh-so jealous.

* * *

Sara was gnawing on a roasted rabbit kabob going, "Nummiee nummiee nummiee nummiee..." 

Elphaba, picking at her own dinner, watched with increasing annoyance as Sara suddenly turned her mumbling into a song.

"Nummie, Nummie nummieeeeeeee." _Munch munch _"Nummiee La LAAA!" Then she started grooving to the beat in her head, took a few more bites, then sang some more with her mouth full. "Nummie La la shaboo kabob, Uh! I munchie on the yummieeeee kabob. OOOH KABOB!" She stopped for a moment and said to Elphaba. "Wow. I like the acoustics in here. It's like one giant stone amplifier."

Elphaba's eyes got wide. That hadn't occurred to her. "Shut up you fool! Do you want to get us caught?"

"Oh, right. Gale Force. Sorry."

"How did you know about the Gale Force?"

Sara smirked. "You talk in your sleep."

"Really?"

"No."

Elphaba made a horrible face at her.

"Yish. Don't do that; it gives me the heebiejeebies."

"Then how did you know?"

"I'm not a complete idiot, your wickedness, I'm just severely immature." She stated, taking another bite. "And you'll have to remember that I'm still about 75percentcertain that I'm out cold on my bedroom floor and this is all nothing but a really weird dream."

"I suppose that would make a person act strangely."

"You know, with that in mind, I'm not all that worried about finding my cousin anymore. I mean, obviously this would be a WHOLE BUNCH more fun with her here, but if I'm going to wake up at any moment and find myself back in Indiana, does it really matter all that much?"

"Indiana?"

"It's a state, just like Kansas is."

"Interesting."

"Not really." Sara was quiet for a split second before she had another outburst. "OOH! We should give each other nicknames!"

"I don't think so."

"Nono it'll be fun. See, since everyone always takes the beginning of a name to make a nickname, I think we should use the end."

"Sara, please spare me,"

"See, I could call you Phaba, and you can call me.." here she stopped and made jazz hands, "..Ra!" She gave the Witch a big excited grin and bounced a little, awaiting the verdict.

"No." Elphaba said flatly.

"Poo."

They were silent for a little while as they finished their dinners. Sara sat her kabob stick down and sighed, looking at the "dishes" (flat rocks and big leaves) with concern. Then something dawned on her. She drew two large cobs of corn from her pocket and threw them - husks and all - onto the fire.

"What the hell?" Elphaba said as she dodged some flying embers.

"What? It's corn. Don't you eat vegetables either?"

"Where did you find that?"

"There's a farming community about three miles west." Then she blinked. "Holy crap I know my east from my west without a compass!"

"Farming community?" Elphaba said, and sprang up, beginning to worry her hands at her middle. "This was not in the plan. Oh, I should have been more careful..." She paced around the fire.

"What's the matter?"

"We're too close to civilization. I'm way off course. This is very bad."

"I wouldn't worry too much, I'm not sure they were a big threat," Sara said, turning the cobs over with a stick, "I mean, not that they were savages or anything. They seemed pretty much keep-to-themselves kind of people. In fact, my first thought was, 'oh my god I've found some pygmies in Oz.'"

"Pygmies?"

"They're these really tiny people in Africa or something..." Then it was Sara's turn to spring up. "Oh shit we're in Munchkinland!" Suddenly her face fell from panic to deep concentration. She looked at her feet as though trying to hear something. "Hello? This is Flying Lunatic. Come in Freak Machine. Freak Machine do you copy? This is Base Ops. Come in Freak Machine!"

Elphaba watched in horror as Sara began beating her head. The girl ran out of the cave, shouting, "Padded Room? Do you copy? This is Booby Hatch. Come in, Padded Room!" Sara was running in circles around trees pointing her head towards random directions, becoming more and more frantic with every attempt at connecting. "Renthead1 to Renthead2! What is your position!" Finally she stopped, threw her head back and shouted, at the top of her lungs, "IT WOULD REALLY HELP IF WE WOULD HAVE DECIDED WHICH CODE NAMES TO USE BEFORE WE GOT INTO THIS MESS!"

Sara turned to see the Witch running out in a panic to try and bring Sara back into the cave and make her shut up, and, out of reflex, she turned and ran the other way.

* * *


End file.
